too many ways to live life

As it would appear, I’m in good spirits. I’m not slouching as much, and my walk is taller. Some may even say I walk the catwalk. I’m in transformation mode; making sure I address all issues. Sadly, the other day I got reinforcements of the negative kind. I was informed that a close friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. As sad and devastating as the news is, she’s in the best of spirits. She seems ready for the battle. It doesn’t come as a surprise to her. At the early age of 40, her mother was taken. She knew there was always a possibility. I’m definitely uplifted by her courageous attitude. Were it I, I wouldn’t come out form under the sheets. I’m using her courage to push forward. Unfortunately, life and the future are unexpected. We must look onward and plan, but still live in the present. We need to live in the present without fear and regret. All we can do is live this moment. The past we lived and can’t change; the future is unforeseen and thus rendered uncontrollable. For now, we have choices. Face life with a positive attitude or hide. I’m choosing to live and face it. I’m tired of living in fear. I’m proud this beautiful young woman is my friend and confidant.

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...*&^%&I

Obsessively, compulsed, and disordered. Anxiety-ridden and pill popping. Insomniac one day, hypersomnia the next. High soaring skies, deep valley lows. Today is yesterday’s future and tomorrow will be today’s threat. Impossibility but possibly magnanimous. Throat muscles clench. The strain. They have quick jerkings. Hard to breathe. It’s hard to exhale. A flood approaches in the north while an earthquake stirs in the south. Is it time to go yet? The sky is closing in. Everyone seems bigger. The skin crawls. Scratch, scratch, and scratch the maggots away. Did you see how big that one was? Pulsating legs, fast beating heart. Take my hand. It is sweating but cold. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Only two minutes have passed. Only two minutes have passed. Look down. Look at the watch. Scratch your arm. Look up. Watch out for that car. Watch out for the cars in the opposite direction. Step back. Step BACK. Wait on the curb. Wait on the curb. The orange hand begins. Tick. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tick. Tock. Green. Go. Cross. Look up. Are we there? No. When did the commute take a century? Help. I may collapse.

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©2009Chupa Chups | by TNB