Chupa Chups

stitch

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock. Do you hear that? It feels like my life is set on a time bomb. Once my life was all sweet, I had the option to defer my dissertation, I lived in another country, and I was not working. Unfortunately, my reality has set in. According to my supervisor, it is nearly impossible to get a deferral for your dissertation. She is really stressing I hand it in on time, which is seriously bad news for me. It is mostly bad news because I have seriously been slacking off. For the first four months, I was literally sleeping. I watched season, not just episodes, but seasons upon seasons of television shows. I did do some literature review but it was definitely not much. Now I am down to the last wire and I am sinking. With only 2 thousand words, I am sinking incredibly fast in the dissertation race. The length I need to reach for is no more than 20,000, which puts me at a 10% mark. If I’m going to do all this on time, I need to increase this bad boy to about 70% and definitely before the deadline…because, oh yeah, I have to FedEx and pray it arrives on time. UGH! Why do I procrastinate so much?!

Besides having to deal with the dissertation, I also have to resume some form of normal, adult life. I have to pay my bills and this means I have to be working full time. My student loans going into repayment within a few weeks and I am terribly scared. SCARED! God help me.

Gosh…when will I get to fully enjoy life. 

back

Back on home territory and I feel weird—almost as if I don’t belong. Everything looks ten times dirtier than what I remember it to be. I’m definitely trying really hard to remember why I decided to come back to this place. What I do know for certain is that I don’t want to stay in the same dead end zone forever. It’s about time I stepped into the real world or at least took a step forward to any form of career. Plain and simple, I need money. These loans won’t pay themselves and they will soon go into repayment. Its stressful and totally emotional but I know I came back with somewhat of a purpose-- to have some sort of settled life. Eventually I know I want to settle here but it seems like I have way too much to discover. I need to continue to be somewhat proactive and try to move at least a little bit forward in life. Not to forget, I still have a 15,000-word thesis to hand in. Yikes!

lows and highs

Facing yet another hectic tornado- moving time. As I’m sure many will agree, moving is the absolute worst experience in the world, yet I have no idea why I do it so often. Apparently, the longer the distance, the more expensive the move. To begin with, I’m almost flat broke. After not having worked for an entire year, which I am tremendously grateful for, I have to be able to afford this whole move on nickels and dimes. My current stress levels are over the roof. I’m pretty sure that I am in line for an early stroke. I have to keep telling myself to keep it simple because otherwise I’m going to sink quicker into the quicksand. My current internal debate is whether to furnish my apartment straight away or hold off for months. Quite honestly, regardless of how long I wait, furnishing is no cheap task. I can only sleep on my airbed but for so long, and really how empty will the living room, kitchen, and bathroom have to be. Eventually, I’m going to need shower curtains, a couch, and dinner/cookware.

On the other spectrum is my student loans. Those, unfortunately, won’t go away so quickly. Although I am very keen on lobbying to have them forgiven, I know I’ll have to pay a good chunk of them very soon. It’s not that I’m cheap, well somewhat, is just that education should be a god given right, god dammit- sorry lord baby J. Truly though I am very grateful for having the opportunity to have student loans. Those bad boys have helped me survive for an entire year without wanting much. I was still able to afford tuition, transport, food, shelter, travel, and partying. God bless those shitty student loans.

Onwards I face my credit card debt, which I’m not too worried about. I think it is pretty manageable. I’m not like my crazy aunt who has as much credit card debt as my student loans. What a nut job?! Really who charges so much for furnishings and renovations without a job?! Apparently she should’ve thought about paying back her credit card before she quit her job. Older people nowadays, jeez!

Instead of focusing on this mountain of negativity I have, I should be truly focusing on my blessings. I am still alive, despite swearing I would die by now. There are millions of people living with terminal illnesses which have the best and sunniest dispositions on life. Here I am a sulking Sally, whining about all my problems and my woes instead of living my life properly. On that lead, my health is relatively good. I have free health insurance now, and soon I’ll be able to afford health insurance in the States. Again, millions of people can’t even afford the insurance or haven’t seen a doctor/dentist in ages. Another positive is that I have a home to call my home. An apartment, in a great and lively area, that many would kill to have. Best of all, I’ve lived in many areas like this that many people again would kill to live in. Food, you cannot discount the food. I’ve been fed all the days of my life. If I truly don’t have money, I have people’s fridges to free load off of. I also have a well paying job that I truly enjoy, with people that are awesome and laid back. Best of all, I have the best support network. I have hundreds of people I can talk to and who are willing to help. Truly, I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed and whine about life, I have a great one.

Oh…best, best, best of all, I have an Ipod.  Music helps with a lot of things.

my dirt

Tardiness-

For the last four years, I’ve been at least ten minutes late to everything. Normally I was the one who arrived ten minutes earlier, now I just can’t seem to ever make it on time anywhere.

Procrastination-

It’s gone from somewhat average to seriously detrimental. Days-upon-days I just spend procrastinating. Wasting my time with useless things. Watching hours-upon-hours of TV shows, fixing other people’s problems instead of mine, and leaving everything until the last minute.

Appearance-

As some say, you can tell a lot about a person by just looking at them. Well for me that means I look like a 12-year-old school boy. For months I have seriously not combed my hair. Instead I just wash it and tie it up. I don’t do a darn thing to it. When it becomes to unmanageable, I just wash my hair and retie it. My clothes are so old they have holes all over them. I’m down to about one pair of jeans. Almost all of my jeans have tears in the inner thigh/crotch area. I don’t know if its that I’m too fat, washing them in the wrong setting or that they are just being made cheaper, but almost all have a tear down there. Most of my sneakers are in the same boat. I have a pair of Vans that have to gaping holes through them; I’m not kidding, you can stick your fingers through them and it would come out through the other side.

Whining-

I seem to whine about everything. The way my life is going. The lack of good people around me. My shithole situations sometimes. The fact that I have too many choices. Instead of just rejoicing in the fact that I have more than one option, I constantly dwell into well…I don’t know phase. I whine about how difficult it is for me to make a decision. Millions don’t get the opportunities I get and all I can do is whine about not know what to do.

Eating-

I eat so much junk food. You name it, I’ve probably eaten it. Last week I ate a whole jar of fluff in two days. Every day I drink soda and eat chips. I eat veggies and fruits about once every two weeks. If my food isn’t microwaveable, I don't make it. Well…I think it’s a way better deal than me cooking. Last night I tried to have a “real” meal by making pasta and I almost burnt down the place. Yup…I didn’t even realize I was cooking pasta until about 30 minutes after someone had thankfully taken the pan off the stove all burnt to the crisp.

Attitude-

Gosh I have the worst attitude sometimes. Truckers can barely keep up with my cussing when I get upset. Last November I went off on this receptionist and called her every name imaginable. Good for her for reporting me. I ended up writing an apology sentence—yup, sentence, not letter. I could be such a bitch sometimes.

The above listed are just some of my bad habits. I have a lot of work to do on myself and listing some of the things I need to work on helps.

See….I’m procrastinating now. This whole weekend I spent zero hours on my thesis and now I just keep procrastinating. UGH!

life, it continues

Back from Northern Ireland and Scotland and I feel awesome. The trip was definitely needed. I’m so grateful for having the opportunity to visit both places. Glasgow is by far one of my favourite places. The architecture throughout the city is just purely phenomenal. What can I say about the shopping other than it is just superb. Unfortunately I didn’t enjoy Glasgow as properly as I should have because I didn’t spend the night there. I know Glasgow is this massive party city and I so want to go back there just to party. Belfast City, on the other hand, is really laid back and a true British town, in Ireland. The town of Bushmills, however, was truly a patriotic British town. I’ve never seen so many British flags, not even in London itself. Overall, I truly enjoyed both places. I will definitely make it back to Glasgow.

So now that I am back from holiday I have to sift through hundreds of data. So far I’ve managed to enter 120 survey replies but that doesn’t even come close. My main supervisor is on holiday herself, and the second supervisor is massively busy with her own work. I sort of feel bad because I don’t have the guidance I need at this stage. Yes I’ve collected all this data and I should move forward, but I need pointers. First, I need feedback as to whether my data entry stuff is correct. I’m still lost on which statistical method to use. Second, and more importantly, I’m still unsure as to what my actual thesis question/hypothesis is.

The thesis work is in itself definitely overwhelming but what is also stressful is my impending move to New York. I still have to iron out plenty of details before I can go. The guy who was going to be my roommate hasn’t replied to my email in a week, so I’ve decided to repost the ad. So far I’ve gotten pretty decent replies but still things could get complicated. I’m really hoping things work out smoothly. To tell you the truth, I’m still unsure as to why I’m really heading back. I love New York, want to save the apartment, and desperately need to make a pay check, but at the same time it seems silly to be over there for a few months. All I know is that I need some sort of income, any income. Those loans are definitely not going to pay themselves. Ironically, most of the income I make over there will going into paying rent, credit card debt, and loans. I’ll be pretty much left with about 400 dollars for myself and savings. Well at least it's a whole lot more than I’m making now, which is absolutely zero.

decision made.... :S

The countdown is ticking and I have less than 30 survey replies to enter into the database—that is, for this batch. Once I come back from holiday, I so have to print out about 300 pages worth of data. Holy crapoly! I really hope the IT guy doesn’t say anything to me. I’m really glad all this is getting done as quickly as possible….especially considering that I’m still procrastinating heavily. :/

On the plus side, I’ve made my final decision. I’m going back to New York. It will only be temporary though. I’m mostly going back to recuperate some capital and set up the apartment. I really feel that I don’t have a real place to call home, so I’m going to make the apartment in NY home. Yes, I know there are tons of apartments but not all are under my name. Firstly, finding a guarantor or at least someone who can put up a guarantor is tough. Secondly, although finding someone who can put up a guarantor isn’t impossible, the apartment never feels like my own or home. So by doing this I’m hoping I’ll have a place to look back at and call home. Once I set it up to be somewhat presentable, I’m definitely going to sublet it out. ….. OK….so the real, real reason I want to save that apartment is that it is near to my dream apartment, which I already have furnished. I have this crazy notion that the closer I am to where I eventually want to end up, the more attainable it seems.

So you want to hear about my dream apartment? Heck yeah you do.

The basic details:
• It’s a condo located in NoHo.
• 3 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms
• I believe the total square footage is about 3,000
• The exterior of the building looks like an art project.
Furnishings:
• Of course, I need to finally purchase my Maly bed.
• There is this phenomenal wingback chair which I just utterly adore.
• The color scheme of the kitchen is black and red.
• One of the rooms is going to be my office, which has silver and white for a color scheme.
• The third room is going to be a guest room. It is going to be by far the most normal looking room ever.
• The whole apartment is going to scream art project. 

I really want this apartment. So much so that I printed the floor plan, furnished the entire apartment (down to the dinnerware), picked out the clothes I’d be wearing in the apartment, and the three dogs I’d have. Oh yeah and did I mention that the furniture is printed out and cut out to resemble an actual dollhouse? I’m totally serious about my place. Now if the price tag will just drop dramatically so I can afford it or I can make millions or marry billions to afford it.

data, data, and data

Data, data, and loads more data. I’m inundated with data. Definitely happy that my data collection portion of the thesis is done with but yikes…I have to analyze all this now. So far I have managed to enter/code about 30 surveys, which is great. However, I have about 200 more to go. It will definitely be a hermit weekend for me. Also another good thing because I am running low on cash. Easy does it is what I keep telling myself. Enter about 10 or 20 at a time and then take a break to eat or walk around. I’m definitely looking forward to when this statistics portion is completely over with.

Another thing I’m definitely looking forward to is having things just work themselves out smoothly. I know, totally dreamer stage right now. I have to make decisions and, like, yesterday. Everyone seems to be moving along. They either have some spec of knowledge as to what’s next or are not as stressed, but not I. I’m still in my lost stage. So, focus on my thesis and the gym is what I tell myself.

Focusing I feel can sometimes be the most trickiest part. Most of the time I’m good at focusing on me but lately this is just not happening as well as I would like it to. What I do now is stack up on energy drinks. Although their main purpose is to provide energy, I find that they help me focus more than anything. Yes, I do get a bit more energized but I just mostly become focused with it. I wonder which ingredient is the key component to helping me focus because I could totally go out and buy boxes of it.

On a “um, ok, already” note, I’m still feeling weird about my relationship status. Usually this I need someone feeling comes while I’m in menses, but now it just won’t go away. The menses is gone but the feeling is still there. GO AWAY! I’m too into me right now to wonder about anyone else. YUCK!

the me of it all

It’s me again. I’m still indecisive about my next move. London, New York or just some random place I pick on the map. Honestly the random place always seems intriguing, but at the same time, it is just me running away from making a decision. I need to move forward with my life. The next stage has been waiting for me for a long time. I’m never going to be ready for it but I must trek on. I need stability and a place to truly call home. For now I just have to take it one day at a time. In many ways I’m glad I don’t have a significant other. Having another person would mean thinking about the “we” instead of the “me”. I like the latter a whole lot more. ;)

Freddie Prince and data...eek!

Jack and Jill vs. the World is my newest favoritest cheesiest movie. I effing love it. For starters, Freddie Prince is in it. Yes, I know he’s like so old school, but he still looks good—although, ahem, Mr. Prince it seems you gained some good weight ;). Jill is such a sweetheart. Their relationship reminds me of the type of relationship I want to have. His apartment is like the coolest; except what is up with all the darkness? A bit more color would’ve been truly appreciated. I’m definitely going to see it again in a few hours. Ha.

Onwards to other things, I’m a bit sad.  Cheesy movies are cool but they make me feel lonely. I mean I’m ok with just focusing on me, but sometimes you just get lonely. Friends are cool from time to time but they can’t do all the cool stuff significant others can. However, it is so cool to hook-up with your friends – I don’t mean sex. Nasty. Eeh….OMG I just realized that I’ve had more than one, one night stands. So crazy. Here I am thinking I’m so “good” but obviously I’m not. Although can you really count one night stands if they are with your ex? Ha. Gosh…I need a new l-o-v-e-r. haha.

Besides the movie, I am so on top of my data collection. The school administrator sent out an email with a link to my survey and so far I’ve gotten good replies. Although I do keep getting the crap replies, like people not filling in the whole thing. I’m so glad I’m not paying for it yet. Seriously if these people would return those forms not filled out, it would be a total waste of my 12 dollars. Ha. Hopefully I’ll have all the replies I need by tomorrow.

Crap…correction…so not on top of my data. The replies keep coming in and I’m so poor to pay the 11 dollars for the 100 reply thing. Actually I tried once but it was so weird. Apparently they do stuff through Pay Pal and my stuff either never got set up or some strangeness happened. :/

birthday bowling madness

Gosh….I’m so exhausted, which is extremely interesting considering I had a Rockstar energy on my way over here. Eh…What can I do? Numbers must make me sleepy. So far, I’ve been fast away collecting data. I’m just worried I may enter it incorrectly. Shoot…I have no clue what I’m doing. Hopefully something works out ok. Once the administrator for the school sends out the email with my survey, I’m pretty sure I’ll have met my quota in less than 3 days.

In other news, yesterday I went to my friend’s birthday bowling event. It was pretty cool. Since it was Sunday, I had to ring my mom. I told her where I was at and how I was slightly paranoid. I kept thinking the Germans were going to put me in an oven and burn me alive. Silly little me….I watch way too many movies. Overall, the night was really fun. We started off at the bowling alley, which by no means compares to our lovely allies in the US, and had a few beers while throwing way too many gutter balls. Actually the whole scoring thing was so out of whack. We were way too many people and the scores were never properly displayed. They definitely need to renovate their establishment. After the lanes, we hit the pizza parlor. The pizzas looked so yummy and for £3.50 you got a whole 11’ pie. It was really yummy. Stocked up on slices, we decided to quench ourselves with a few beers, so we headed to the Court – pretty much the only bar in the area which stayed open passed midnight. The beers at the Court proved to be quite nice. It would’ve been cooler had I made it in time for their beer and burger deal….aww shucks.

As for the other dramas in my life, they seem to be subsiding – to be honest, almost non-existent now. It is really strange how things just all creep up at once and you’ll have days or even weeks of intense, hectic moments. I’m still worried about what’s going to happen to me next. Still have to decide where I’m going to live and I so need a job, like, yesterday. For now, I’ll just take it easy. Perhaps finally wash the mountain of dirty dishes I have piling up. I know, so disgusting of me. :p

survey time

Currently I’m on a massive survey marketing promotion. I’m really trying to get 200 surveys filled out by next Friday. Since I’ve been sleeping for the past four months, I really need to step up my game; not just to the A level, but to the umpteenth. I have a few more resources to tap online and then I’m off to do my footwork. Oh yeah, I’m hitting up all the surrounding libraries. I’m going to go from computer row to computer row, sit for hours, and have people fill out my survey. It’s exciting, scary, and stressful, but I feel I can achieve my goal. Surprisingly, I’ve had a good turnout. I just have to keep up with the momentum.

One of the main things that popped up for me while mass distributing my thesis is that some people are just bleh. I make sure I’m a good friend to people and I expect at least equal treatment. I guess I should just let it go. People are just people and they have their own lives to lead. Unfortunately, it did bring up the exact feeling I hated back at home. I felt like everyone was busying themselves with their own lives; no one had time for anything. Although over here it is about the same thing, I do feel that people are more willing to create events and invite everyone. It feels like a real family. Most of my friends back home have their own families and kids to tend to; I don’t and don’t plan on having them any time soon. I guess I have to learn how to move on. Although I did find somewhat of a drive in that, I felt like fine…they are too busy well I’ll just keep myself entertained. Whenever I’m home, I just feel like focusing on myself. Over here its like I actually want to build relationships. I like it that people like to go out seven days a week. I know people back home do as well but it seems they are more focused on responsibilities and work. Over here they do have the same responsibilities but they also want to enjoy life. I like that.

Well…I guess I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. I’m going to make it the top. Whether its in the States or in Europe, I’ll be on top. Magazine articles about my great accomplishments will be written. Doubt I’ve ever told anyone but I have always imagined myself on the cover of Time magazine with the headlines…young, wealthy, powerful, and on top of her game.

again...back in the dumps

Today I received yet another blow to my ego. I got back my grade for the genetics class I took, and all I can say is that it wasn’t my best or worst. Although I think it is really good that I talk to someone about this. It seems all my professors keep saying the same thing. They don’t seem to see that I understand the material. I apparently focus too much on the background and the description and not enough on the actual question being answered. When I do attempt to answer the question, it generally comes up short and misses the nail. Perhaps I should just stop whining about my grades and poor me and work at it. Yuck. I just want someone to show me exactly how it’s done. Once I get one or two instruction, I’m pretty sure I can do it myself the third time. It does make me feel awful that I didn’t perform my best in this course but finally I get it that feedback is good. Although I wish someone would point me to the help I need once they provide me the feedback. Also, another thing that would so be appreciated is the grades and feedback a lot sooner. Oh, I don’t know, perhaps right after the semester. This essay was handed in back in March and I just received my grade…a day before August. I truly wish that grades and feedback were given in better time. Perhaps I would’ve had the chance to improve for the second semester. Now I have another piece of bad news and another blow to my ego…. oh and I have my thesis due in a month. No pressure at all.

moving on, slowly but surely

My masters thesis survey is finally up and running and I couldn’t be any prouder. Actually I could but heck I have to get on with it. It is due in less than two months and I am far behind. Although the actual due date is on the 15th of September, I really want to hand it in on the 15th of December. Unfortunately, my situation keeps changing so I really have to try my best to get it done in a month. The pressure is on but I am really glad I have good quality data. One thing that does annoy me is when people send back feedback or leave comments. Some are like “where are the men” and others are often offended by the lack of proper ethnicity options. Darlings, I just can’t help the ethnicity question. I’m using the British standards and it doesn’t include your ethnicity. Actually that ethnicity question is one of my worst pet peeves, along with the race question. Those questions are so ambiguous. Depending on what side of the world you are, you can be considered whatever. It just truly annoys me why people see the need to further divide humans. I mean I understand why it’s needed in science but these things get used for the wrong political reasons. It's a shame science gets treated this way.

Besides my survey, I’ve been busying myself with job applications. I need a job desperately. I don’t mind in what country it is, as long as I’m being paid enough to pay back my student loans, have a roof over my head, and eat. Life gets tougher as you age, and it sucks. However, I’m sort of glad that many people believe I am at least 7 years younger than my actual age. It does annoy me sometimes when I go out dancing with my friends, and out of everyone in the group, I’m the only one who gets carded. Oh, did I mention that everyone else in the group is younger than me? Yes, my friends who are younger than me don’t get carded. It is unbelievable. But, whatever.

On the home front, it is one dilemma after another. My brother got kicked out of my aunt’s apartment. My mother doesn’t want him to come back home. And, of course, I feel horrible that my little brother will be out in the streets. He mentioned that as soon as he finds a new place he will stop all forms of communication with the family. Seriously, do things need to get that drastic? What I really fear is that he’ll end up like our father. Going from place to place to place because he has an attitude and anger problem. He recognizes he has serious issues he needs to deal with but chooses ways to not face them straight on. Religion should be the salvation to all the planet’s woes but this requires some counseling. I’m really worried about him but I have to trust that he’ll be fine. After all this is a grown individual in his early 20s. I really hope he sets himself straight.

As for my living situation, I’m still in the search for a new roommate. A possible young lady from NYU has shown some interest but really who knows at this point. One of my biggest fears when I go back home is that I’ll go back to my old habits. Those that lead to me feeling lost and bored of life. I just have to keep telling myself it is not about location. It’s about me and what I want to do. Whatever it is that I want/need to do, I can do it anywhere in the world. I just have to keep my hopes and dreams alive. It is definitely easier said than done when you head back to the daily grind. Day-after-day it only seems like you are there to pay for your bills and face your responsibilities; almost as if the fun is being sucked out of life.  I’m scared.

life, omg

Dealing with siblings is tough. My younger brother just got kicked out of my aunt’s apartment. He knows why he’s being kicked out and understands he now has to deal with the consequences of his actions. Truly I’m worried for him and so is my mother. She regretfully told him she couldn’t take him in because she, too, doesn’t want to deal with his nasty attitude. She said she’ll more than gladly help him with a deposit into renting a room but she couldn’t take him back. He obviously took it as a major insult and is again shunning her and the rest of the family. Unfortunately, he has serious trust issues. He is now in a moment of need and feels like he’s being treated like shit. He apparently overlooks the fact that wherever he lives people feel they have to walk on eggshells. He has a very difficult personality to deal with and most people just don’t want to be bothered with. He has serious issues he needs to work out but he doesn’t seem to really work at them. All I can do for him is trust he’ll be fine. At first I wasn’t nice about it. I became really irate with him. I honestly feel he makes dumb choices and doesn’t realize how badly he truly needs to work on his attitude. But I need to have faith and trust he will be ok. See dealing with siblings is tough.

As for myself, I have so much to deal with. I still haven’t paid my rent. I do have to money, well most of it, but I don’t want to dish it out. I’m hoping that magically $1600 will appear. Unfortunately, I have no job and have to trek on. So this means I have to put it on my credit card. Besides my rent, which was a long time ago my only concern, I now have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I’m standing at a fork-in-the-road. Either I give up my apartment in New York and become a vagabond in Europe or I go back to my life back home. So let me break it down:

Returning to NY:
By returning to NY, I’ll be saving my East Village apartment. I’ll be saving thousands of dollars because I won’t have to do the whole broker’s thing again. I’ll also be saving the trouble of trying to find someone who can sign a lease or has a guarantor. Two of the toughest problems apartment seekers have to deal with.

A plus that goes with going back home is that the apartment will truly be mine and that I can make it into a home. Whenever I become roommates with someone, I don’t ever feel like it’s somewhere I can come home. I almost never fully unpack because I know that within a few months time I’ll be moving again. I never put roots down because I always know I have to uproot. So in a way I can see this as a great challenge and opportunity; I’ll finely have a chance to make something my own.

Staying in London:
By staying in London, I can calmly finish my thesis and re-sit for the class I need to in order to finally get my masters. Since living in London is like living in the burbs for me, I can maintain this lovely calm I sometimes have.

A major plus for London is that it is a major hub for traveling. I can find hundreds of cheap tickets to fly everywhere, well at least in Europe and parts of Africa. I can finally travel around the globe, in an economical type of way.

Another plus for London is that I can also root myself here. Renting an apartment in London is sometimes cheaper than renting in NY. For what I pay out in NY, I can get a house in London, with a garden. It’ll be the true suburb experience in a city.

The negatives, however, is that I’ll need to do this visa thing. I’ll have to dish-out about 1G just to stay and work here. I’m pretty certain I’ll get it because I’m American but still.

Also, wherever I decide to live, I’m faced with the same choices: finding a job, repaying my student loan, paying down my credit card, finishing graduate school. For the moment, I urgently need to find a job. I need to pay for shelter and for food. I know I have to also try to finish my thesis but a job is really a top priority at the moment. I need to stop being a lazy Stacey. Watching TV and pretending everything is ok just won’t do. I have to face my reality whether I like it or now. I need to start telling myself the things I tell others. STOP BEING INACTIVE AND GET PROACTIVE. The death of my tutor and Randy Pausch should have motivated me enough but its not outer things that are going to make me get my act together. I have to do shit for me. Ewwww am I growing up. Blah. ☹

Ok…. so entertain me for a bit here while I figure myself out.

Priorities:
Code Red:
Job
Graduate School
Living situation

Code Red Orange:
Thesis by September/December
Moving in September
Finding a place to live, if staying in London
Shipping my boxes overseas, if going back home
Waking up at 6 or 7 am to be at work at 8:30
Dealing with my financial mess
Budgeting with my last little pennies

Code Orange:
Ironing my thesis
Resubmitting the work for my class
Budgeting
Giving the Salvation Army half my stuff
Packing

Code Green:
Due date of rent
Have extra time for finding a new roommate
Extra time for submitting my thesis

Gosh…I have to get down to work. Guess it’s back to reality for me. Whoops…forgot about my laundry. Best be off to my new “reality.”

God just grant me serenity now to deal with the things I can. For some odd reason you thought I could handle all these things so I guess I best get cracking. Ugh! ☺