catch-up

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

catch-up

I have abandoned you terribly. I apologize for this. It wasn’t my intent to leave you behind, but several events have prevented me from writing. No, these events are not major. They are mostly little mundane stuff that I need to take care of, and they are not of major importance. It just seems that unless I make sure the wheels are moving and people are doing their jobs, shit just won’t get done. Little stuff people, little itty-bitty stuff that you can take care of on your own. Seriously, I’ve been running my own business. Almost every day I am on a major emailing spree. Contacting this person and the other, you would think I’m getting paid for all this stuff. In any case, for the most part, I’ve been stressed. All these things are taking a toll on me. I do have moments to sit down and drink tea, but nothing seems to calm me down for a breather. Hmph!

One of the major things stressing me out right now is money matters and mostly the lack of it. I’ve been looking at my paperwork and I’ve been taxed heavily this year. Where in the world was this money taken from? How have I even managed to pay all that? Really, where is my representation? I say if I am being taxed, I most certainly need proper representation. Darn governments bleeding me dry. Do they think I actually have money? Where do I even come up with this money? I’ve managed to survive for this long, but I am starting to question how. It almost seems impossible that I have managed to live in two of the top ten most expensive cities in the world. Not only have I managed to live there, but I have also lived in some of the most expensive areas. How? Living in cheaper more distant areas won’t fix my problems, so how do I manage? It is just another entry for the stress log.

To conclude, I just want to say that I am acclimating more now. Slitting my wrists is far from my memory now. I’m still not feeling connected to my environment and that is a serious problem because I also wasn’t connected in New York. When will these feelings go away? I want to feel whole, with all my limbs properly attached. Another thing I have noticed is that I tend to complicate everything in my life. I really think this has hindered me educationally. Even with this handicap I have managed to survive. Hmmm, if I would’ve realized this sooner perhaps I would’ve been an A student all he way. If only…..

I shall end here and I hope to write more frequently.