almost done

Thanksgiving and Christmas have passed and now all that is left is New Year’s Eve. Who knows where I’ll be but by golly gee it won’t be in some overpriced club. Gosh I can’t believe they charge people 200 dollars just to get into the door. I mean it’s a good thing drinks are included but still I don’t usually spend 200 dollars a night on drinks.

So we have an out of town friend staying with us for the week. He seems pleasant enough but who knows where we’ll be in a few days time. Alls I know is that I’m going to do what I need to do to survive. He really isn’t my friend so I don’t have to bend over backwards to accommodate him. My out of town guests come in February so until then I have all the time in the world to prepare for their arrival.

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grateful

I am so grateful that today has turned out to be one of the most relaxing and serene days I’ve had. Early morning yoga at 7am, great relaxing shower with music, arriving to work early, healthy breakfast, afternoon meditation, healthy and hearty lunch, fun and exciting dating blog reading, and not to mention, a very productive work day.

I am so grateful for: my life; my health, having money to buy food; the ability and motivation to go to the gym; my motivation to persevere in life; my job; friends; family; my beautiful city that is NYC; the grungy things that make up my beautiful city.

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the leaf has been turned

Only by the grace of God did I wake up this morning around 6 to make my 7am yoga class. Although the yoga class wasn’t as intensive as I expected, it was pretty nice to have a small class and an empty gym. Showering to some Christmas jazz was also a fabulous way to start the morning off right. However, getting splashed with dirty rain water by a speeding car is definitely not a great start. Just like the water rolled off me so did the negative attitudes that the event normally brings. Even more shockingly to my wonderful morning is that I arrived at work early! Not 15 minutes late but early. I made myself some hot oatmeal and had a banana and tea for a beverage. All in all, I would say I’m having a rather peaceful and productive morning. To turn matters to somewhat of a sour note, I’ve gained weight, dramatically. In the past two to three months, I’ve gained about 10 pounds. I weigh almost as much as my pregnant friend, who is 8 months pregnant. My body definitely shows signs of weight increase through the newly formed stretch marks and my protruding belly and buttocks. Of course, now my clothes don’t fit. I find myself having to wear skirts a lot more often because my jeans will not button. Slowly though I’m starting to get to the right frame of mind. I signed up for the gym last Thursday and so far have only missed two days. The first night I signed up I decided to go for a little 20 minute run and low and behold I hurt myself because I didn’t stretch. My leg is still in pain but it’s getting a whole lot better.

On the academic front, I finally checked my grades and I did indeed pass my dissertation. Not by much but I passed. Considering that the word count was half of what it should’ve been and that I totally half-assed the discussion session, I am definitely grateful. Also, I finally saw the grades for my other class and overall not bad. They are not my usual grades but considering that it was a totally different education system than the one I’m accustomed to I would say I did pretty ok.

Seeing as I half-ass everything in my life. I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf. My half-assing days are over. I’m going to try my best at things. I’m going to finally chase my dream of having my PhD. I’m going to start my own research firm. I’m going to live the lifestyle I’ve always wanted to. As for the significant other, that will come in time. For now I’m too self conscious to chase anyone. I need to heal inside and now outside as well.

So…Namaste…peace to you all.

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pumping iron

These past few weeks I’ve been feeling very down and out. I was not satisfied with my body and my stress levels were through the roof. So I decided that it was best to join a gym once again. After being treated horribly by both New York Sports Club and Crunch (for the second time), I decided to go with New York Health and Racquet Club. They even gave me a free smoothie for signing up, which I’m positive, was not one of the bonuses for joining. The staff was really friendly and the facilities are great. An interesting bonus I found when signing up was that there were no one price for one gym and another price for having access to all the gyms. The one price covered it all. Although the gym that’s across the street from my house does not have a steam room, which I adore, it does have a boulder rock and a whirlpool. The other locations all have pools and steam rooms I can def. use. The only concern I truly have is the monthly fee, which is a bit steep for me, but considering what I would be getting, nice staff, great equipment, pool, whirlpool, bouldering rock, I think it’s worth it. I would definitely pay more for a place I feel truly comfortable in than a place I despise with rude staff and a fee for using their towels.

In other news, I’m hoping that by signing up to the gym and getting in regular exercise I can let go of some stress and excess poundage. I must admit that I am still bored, lost, and so apathetic about a lot of things. My days still consist of just going to work and coming back home but I’m hoping that I can soon change that.

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where it hurts

Ugh! I feel horrible! Why won’t these negative feelings go away? I’ve been frustrated, disappointed, and all the negative these past two days. I wish they would just make a magic pill so that all these feelings would just go away.

Things I’m irritated at:
My roommates- they are disgusting
Myself- for feeling this way and various other reasons
Life- because who else can you really blame but life

I’ve been trying to write down my feelings to see if that helps reduce it but it doesn’t. Running sometimes is out of the question bc I don’t have a good time to run. I’ve attempted to do it before work but it’s too dark; after work is also too dark. Ugh! What am I going to do with myself? I’m dissatisfied with everything and everyone. It’s like someone turned on my bitch switch.

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