Chupa Chups: March 2009

from the same litter

When my siblings and I turned eighteen at our respective times, we each moved out of out my mother’s house. We were legal under the eyes of the New York State law so we took it upon ourselves and our new found independence to take a hold of our lives. We’ve all managed to survive and live independently on our own. None of us have returned to the nest. We are more or less happy with our respective lives and our freedom. We’re adults and know that as such we have to do these adult things such as rent or own our own apartment, buy furnishings, start families, etc. Yet I don’t fully comprehend how I end up dating guys that live with their mothers or grandparents. Seriously! Out of the guys I’ve dated about 70% of them were still living at home with mommy. I don’t get it. My siblings and I got the memo: get out! We heard the message loud and clear. So why are these blokes still living at home? Why am I bringing this up? Well I met a rather attractive guy about three weeks ago who seemed promising. We were hot and heavy the night we met. We continued the flirtation. Everything seemed to be going fine- of course, my mind had the best of me and I swore he was married with kids. So because I have such inquisitive mind, I kept trying to pry his life out of him. I knew something was off. It had to be. Yeah he was rather on the short side but that’s not why he was single, was it? I swore it was the wife and kids. So…. Last night I figured out why. He still lives at home with mommy! Yeah that’s why you are SO single mister. He’s 39! 39! At that age you should be living by yourself if not with roommates at least, not living with mommy. Yeah I know…perhaps the economy made him go back to live with mommy but I so doubt that’s the case. Ha. This is my beautiful luck. Seriously how do I attract these people? It may seem all shallow but it really isn’t. At age 39 you should be living either alone or with roommates. Ugh! I’m not shallow but if I can do it so can you. SO CAN YOU!

sleep, must sleep

It’s almost over soon. The paper is due tomorrow and I have quite a bit of editing to do. Although I’m still working on it until the second it’s due, I am very proud of myself for having “finished” it early. Gosh it was definitely a long, long journey. Hopefully my efforts pay off. Right now I feel as if I’m in the state of almost reaching sanity or at least numbness. I’m hoping to have the last three energy drinks I’ll have for at least three months. Hmph. This is so draining. Work eight hours, write/edit a paper for about 6-8 hours, and attempt to sleep the other eight…not to mention the time it takes me to commute to work, coffee houses, and home….by the end of it I’m lucky if I can get 5 hours of sleep. You know what though, despite all the stress and bitching, I like being like this…under pressure, having something to do. It makes me feel like I’m not just wasting my life away.

Hence why my new goal is to submit a 32-page paper to the AAAs by June 1.Hey the winning prize is 1k and you may get published. YES I’m Insane.

to the popper of hips

Pop, pop, pop, pop. Pop those hips side to side. Move your short legs as fast as you can but continue to pop, pop, pop, pop those hips. See the swing. It’s more mesmerizing than my own feminine walk. You’re in a festive mood today wearing the emerald green. I can just picture you later on tonight having pints of Guinness and car bombs in celebration of ol’ St. Pats. The definition of your upper body is spectacular. It doesn’t at all lead to speculations of you somewhat having a slightly lower self-esteem because of your height. Your charms are endearing, your smile is as bright as any sunshine, and your kindness breathless. So continue to pop, pop, pop, pop those hips. No they don’t make you seems the slightest bit gay. Pop, pop, pop, pop. Pop those hips side to side. I say these things purely out of love. There is no malice in any of my words. Pop, pop, pop, pop those hips.

I definitely drove a 16-wheeler straight into a brick wall and continued to press hard on the gas.

What a weekend! Still unsure whether it was a good or bad one but one thing I know is that I did a lot of “bad” things. I’ll start off with the Wednesday night/Thursday morning slobbery kiss I shared with the coworker. Who now I’m sort of on the fence with because I just don’t know what I’m doing. Sunday came around and he did check-in to see if I wanted to meet up with him. I, of course, being the nut job that I am avoided it like the plague. In all fairness though I do have to write this paper and I did attempt really hard to do it on Sunday-hmmm possibly as a way of avoidance? In any case, Friday was also a memorable occasion. After the let’s do Sunday brunch email I went on a destructive rampage. I met an ex near Times Square and proceeded to make out with him a little. After the rendezvous with the ex, I was within the hour lip-locked to some perfect stranger who I ended up kissing the entire night. We pretended to be boyfriend and girlfriend and are still in this game, or at least I thought it was a game. On Saturday we fully “committed” to one another by changing our Facebook status. I was hysterical on the floor with laughter. Still in joke mode I asked him to a Sunday birthday dinner I had to attend. He showed up like the good boyfriend and proceeded to be romantical. It FREAKED me out! I’m still freaked out. He kept holding my hands, which became really sweaty at some point, holding chairs, doors, feeding me cake, etc. Who does he think he is??! A real boyfriend?! Um, I don’t do that sir. So now the joke is on me because I used the pretend boyfriend to sort of avoid the coworker and now I’m in a “committed” relationship that is going to led me to being committed. He texts me when he goes to bed, when he gets home, about random stuff…omg.

sunday brunch anyone?

What’s in a kiss? I’d say about a thousand words. Kissing is essential for me. It provides me with a vast knowledge of that individual. Through the act of kissing I can figure out if that person is affectionate, a quick Eddy or a slob/drool-fest. I kid you not my dear friend. This very act alone speaks quite loudly. I am by no means an expert in it or judging it, but my intermediate skills have gotten me this far and I know they don’t mislead. Why bring up such a topic? Well I “kissed” a boy. His kiss spoke a thousand words. It informed me that he was the combination of a slob-fest and a quick Eddy. My suspicions were later confirmed that day. Unfortunately after knowing this fact I keep going back and forth in my head: do I want to kiss this person again; do I show them how I would like to be kissed? Ugh! It’s definitely too much for me to decide while all these things are going on around me. Why couldn’t he know by now how to do it? He’s survived on this planet for the better of three decades. You’d think that by know you should be an expert on the subject. Oh blorgs! This is such an uncomfortable predicament I’m in. He’s invited me to Sunday brunch and I’m not sure whether to attend or not. I’m always up for brunch and I’m especially always up for food, but am I up for a slob sandwich? Only the future/god knows what it has in store for me. Hmph!

drama rama

Where can I begin? I know let’s start with academics. So on the 27th my 3,000 word (about 10-12 pages) essay is due. How many words do I have written down thus far? Besides the title, I can confidently say not a damn one. I need to get going on this seriously. Unfortunately life is always getting in the way one way or another. I have been doing research for it but as of late (particularly this week) I have not done one single thing. I did speak with my Brit friend Matt about it and I sort of have a better perspective on it. I seriously need to get down to organizing myself better for this and the impending April exam. I am so, SO, SO grateful the exam for me will be in a day instead of two or three hours. Ugh. Don’t get me started on that one too. How much have I studied for that? Absolutely nothing. I need to get down to what’s important and this is very, very important, especially after all the money I dished out.

Speaking of money, my income tax refund is set to come in tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t get audited. You can never be too careful with these things. I just don’t want to completely get my hopes up with this money. BUT if all goes well. I was going to split the money; half is going into debt and the other half is all for me! So, I was either going to go on a little shopping spree and save the rest but now I’m thinking I want to spend it on a new notebook. My old computer is getting kind of old. OR I can do a bit of traveling. I did see a great deal for Nashville at under $300 for both hotel and flight. Also, I want to go to this festival that is happening in Ann Arbor the first weekend in April. Not to mention I told my friend I would go with her to Vegas at the end of April. BUT in all fairness, Nashville was going to be my reward for finishing the essay. I never did treat myself for finishing my dissertation in time. Again, this is another area I need further organizing.

Remember how I said that life always intervenes whenever I’m working on an important paper for school? Well again I’m in the middle of finding a new roommate. I guess it just senses these things. I finally asked the roommate to leave but little did I know that the guy would find a place in a week. I barely have two darn people to come check out the place. UGH this is so stressful. So….if I can’t find someone relatively quick all those lovely plans of travel and purchasing the macbook will go up in smoke. I really do pray to god that things work out very well in this area, especially with this bad economy.

Oh yeah the bad economy…. Four people got laid off this morning from my job. I was scared and still am quite a bit. These were definitely out-of-left-field layoffs. No one expected these…although I did have some suspicions after one of the girls who got laid off updated her status on Facebook. (Great invention, no?) So I’m scared because I have no money. What I do know is that I for sure have to step-up my employment game and seriously look for a part-time gig at least. Oh these troubled times we live in.

Ah…trouble you say. How’s about a fresh new stalker for you? That’s right a stalker returns. If only I were kidding but I kid you not. One of the biggest stockers of the company returned a few days ago and who does he ask for? Why me of course? Great! Now people are going to think I’m associated with him.

Speaking of those lovely associations, how’s about a fresh new coworker for you? That’s right the coworker is back. We saw Coraline last night and had drinks afterwards. Well you should know how the story ends. Now I’m in limbo. I can’t be dating a coworker. We’ve definitely crossed the point of no return. What happens now? Are we dating? Oh brother! What’s going to happen now at work? Do we discuss this? Oh crap! This is why I stayed far away from the dating scene. Oh my goodness, my Guiness.

Guiness anyone? An old chap from England moved back to New York. I’m super excited to see him and super curious as to why he returned. From my understanding of things, he wanted to attend graduated school over there. He had been there about five years and wanted to get out of the town he was living in and move to London. Anywho I guess we can discuss that over drinks because my social schedule has seriously doubled. Oh what a girl to do.

Indeed, what am I to do? I think a good organization is definitely needed. After that I’ll figure it out as I go.

ode to nick

Nick. What an Adonis you are. Your boyish smile is both innocent and flirtatious. Your blonde locks are like a sea of gold. Your eyes are as deep and profound as the deepest ocean. The collared shirts you wear fit you so snug that your bulging biceps have no choice but to play peek-a-boo with me. Have I mentioned how your apple bottom is tempting me to bite it? Did I ever share with you that the way you sit in your chair just screams jump on my lap? Your delectable aroma is so strong it reaches me from a distance of ten feet. Have I ever told you that you are an Adonis? I will forever keep you on a pedestal and compare every guy to you. No one will come close. Oh how I envy your boyfriend and the gorgeous couple you two must make. Oh if only god had granted me a penis. Does anyone have a spare penis for me? Until I can acquire such an organ, I will forever hold you in my heart. Nick you are my Adonis! You are my Adonis!

financial responsibility

Part of being an adult is being financially responsible. Adults pay their bills on time, know how to manage their money, and for the most part, are money smart or conscientious. As many adults, I have my money faults. I do have debt (credit card and student loans) and have barely anything in savings. However, I still manage to pay my important bills (e.g., rent, student loans, and credit cards) on time. I know that if I don’t pay these bills on time I would be in a financial hole I would be struggling to pull myself out of. These bills are a must for me. The cell phone and gym bills are just extras I can do without. My paychecks are properly allocated into these three major bills. The first paycheck goes to student loans and/or credit card payment and the second to the landlord. Whatever is left over from these two biweekly paychecks gets allocated to the next important bills and food/laundry. I adhere to these payment methods like if they were my bible. I try my hardest to have all my bills paid on time. If money is tight then I’ll be having lots of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or ramen noodles. So, why in god’s green earth does my roommate, who is older than me, not know how things work? I’m barely three or four years younger than he is. He should have more experience being an adult than me. I guess I shouldn’t blame it all on him, after all I knew what I was getting myself into. He was in serious debt to our friend while they lived together and barely paid his portion of the bills. These past few months has got to be the biggest life lessons I have learned. I am truly grateful for every bit of knowledge. They are definitely hard to learn but by golly miss dolly I am learning.

good question

While watching the Matchmaker Millionaire on Bravo (I know, complete waste of time, but I had time to kill), a very powerful and intriguing question kept popping up: why are you still single? Obviously a millionaire should have no trouble finding a partner, let alone a date, but these ill-fated millionaires have a lackluster love life compared to their bank accounts. After getting a good look at these millionaires, you could clearly see why they are still single and looking. About half are “players” fooling themselves with the notion of finally settling down, while the others are almost complete dorks stuck in cyberspace. (NB: Although the millionaires are self-proclaimed “players,” there is nothing about them that truly screams a “player.” In fact, I would just call them dorks who think they are players or pretend to be a part of the “in” crowd.) After seeing a couple of episodes (yes, I’ve wasted that much time), I can confidently say that the show is, what can I say, pure crap. It’s like Match.com on television. Out of the episodes I’ve seen, barely any of the dates have a successful second date. I would say that maybe one of these millionaires has formed a couple with their date. Overall, I would say that this show is almost a complete waste of time. (I say “almost” because if you are desperately looking for something to do or see, you can definitely count on this show to waste away precious moments of time/life.)

Although my commentary on the show is a bit negative it did promote somewhat of a productive and constructive train-of-thought. Why am I still single? Why am I not a pair-bond with a male (or even a female)? Is it perhaps that I refer to relationships/couples in their anthropological term of pair-bonds? Anthropologically speaking, a female with an hourglass figure and a low waist-to-hip ratio should be an attractive mate for a male, so why am I still single? I am young, have an hourglass figure with a low waist-to-hip ratio, well-educated, employed, and my skin, for the most part, indicates that my genes are good enough to fend off parasites. Hmmm…. So the question still persists, why am I still single? Could I be the plague of humanity? Am I not what the media portrays as an attractive female? Should I allocate more of my time into ensuring I fulfill the media’s stereotype of the ideal partner? Who knows why I’m still single. Perhaps it is all the boy gay clubs I frequent. Oh well, I’m still single because I can be. I am not going to settle for anything just to be involved in a pair-bond. I would much rather live my life as a single person than be in a bad, life-draining pair-bond.