to the walking dead

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

to the walking dead

Dear Walking Dead:

I understand the job isn’t as fulfilling as you would’ve hoped it would be. I understand we aren’t the loudest or most active bunch during the day, but please pep up your step. You are dragging me down. As I see you walk to and from the bathroom, I just feel like shooting pellets at you. Isn’t your boss the Popper of Hips? He would be disgraced if he saw what came out of his department; his hips wouldn’t pop as much if he knew. Please pep up your step, Walking Dead. I get crept out seeing you walk. It’s like you have no purpose of being. Sometimes I feel like running up to you and just shaking you. Shaking you so hard you would wake up. As if your morbid walk isn’t bad enough, it seems you have to walk back and forth at least twice an hour. Seriously what are you doing in that bathroom? Clearly you aren’t in a rush to pee, so what is it? God have I told you how much I want to shoot pellets at you, Walking Dead? Why do you walk so slowly? WHY? Are you about a hundred and fifty years old? Can’t you physically walk any faster? I hear your office back there have push-up competitions, so what’s wrong with you? WALK! Walk faster! Walk as if someone is shooting at you. Walk as if I’m shooting pellets at you! PEP UP THAT STEP! How’s about we walk at normal speed for one day! One darn day!

Best Regards,


Dashing Diva at the Desk