crickets are loud

Sunday, June 13, 2010

crickets are loud

With a piercing hot sun, rustling trees, and the chirping of birds, I sit in silence. I sit in suburbia. I sit in a town that’s not my own. I sit in silence. It’s very quiet in this town compared to mine. My town can’t even be called a town. It’s a city; a very, very big city. I like my city. Although I’m not acquainted with all my neighbors in my city, I still feel at home. I feel relatively safe in a not so safe place. Here in suburbia, however, I feel…. I don’t know. I have a new dog now. His name is Sir Charles Nathaniel Michael Lockwood. In this town, he sometimes feels scared. I, too, sometimes feel scared. I get lost even in my city, so getting lost here is also a piece of cake. He seems to be OK with suburbia for the most part, but sometimes he’s not. He gets scared. I get scared. He loves the grass though. Here, in this town, there is LOTs of grass. There’s definitely more grass and trees than in my city. Birds are always chirping here and he loves that. He loves to chase them. I don’t think he gets it that they can fly away. Oh well….who am I to say you can’t really chase the skies? I watch a lot more National Geographic here. They have no DVR. In my DVR back at home, I have recorded soaps and movies for moments of silence. Here there is no DVR. Here they have a CVS. The CVS is the highlight of this town. I kid you not. It’s the highlight of the town. The second highlight is the Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins. These “three” establishments are the highlights of the town. As I walk through the town, I notice that I’m the only one walking. I notice that my dog and I are the only people really in the street. People drive here. They drive a lot. I don’t know how to drive. I never cared much for it or needed it to survive. I don’t drive. SO, I walk. I walk in this town that doesn’t walk. They drive. Here I sit in silence. Walking to the CVS is only fun once. It’s definitely not an all day sort of activity. It’s not like they have a proper meeting place with TVs and music. It’s a regular CVS. In my city we have lots of Duane Reades; here there are no Duane Reades. I sit. I sit in silence. I sit in suburbia because I wanted a change of scenery. My fight/flight response always leads to flight. My passport is always handy. This is why I’m in suburbia. I’m in flight mode. Over what? I do not know. I’m constantly in flight. When I take steps to fly, I feel calm. I feel as if I’m doing the right thing. However, when I clip on the airplane seatbelt, I feel like I may have made a mistake. The first ounce of doubt clicks in. The second appears later on at night just before bedtime. I’m in flight mode once again because I don’t want to stay and face whatever is scaring me. I’m in suburbia. It’s very silent here. The silence drowns me. I feel engulfed by the silence. The National Geographic channel is on very loud. It’s at a higher decibel than normal because of the silence. It’s a drowning silence. It makes me think. It makes the feelings come out. I’m in suburbia.