Too much

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Too much

Palm keeps asking me if Teach knows that I am leaving and I always respond in the affirmative or say that I am sure he knows. We’ve never really talked about me leaving while being sober, that is, until tonight. In a way, I feel kind of odd about it. After hearing Crin’s story, I am a little skeptical about this whole situation. What if this is all some hoax? Is it really living in the moment? Would things be different if I wasn’t leaving? Who knows? Guess we will never truly know because I can also be acting differently.

Ugh! All I really know is how he makes me feel, and, ironically, how I show him how I feel. Guess I have to take everything a day at a time. Although, when I asked him if he was going to miss me, he said he was. I mean that was great but I wanted him to tell me more. I wanted him to tell or ask me if we could continue this. What I need to do is not to become consumed with him. I was already starting to forget him—after a few days away I start losing the high I get when I am with him—and then he called to meet up. Now I am back to square one. God, Jesus!

Another ARGH! Now there is no WAY I can ask him what our “status” is. This absolutely sucks. I will be in limbo until I go. Jesus Louises.

This is absolutely too much. Teach has too much control over me without being aware of it. I need to do something drastic.