Chupa Chups: August 2007

fast approaching

With only three weeks until my departure from New York, I can confidently say that I am (almost) ready to go. I still have some loose ends to tie, which will hopefully be sorted out soon. Tomorrow I will be picking up my luggage and will try to finish packing as much as possible. As for shipping my stuff, I am still at zero-for-zero with that. On top of getting ready to move, I also have to fix my finances, which by themselves could be a major headache. All-in-all, I am in a good place right now. I will certainly miss every bit of my home town, but I am also looking forward to my break from reality and the world itself.

It is really good to know that if you need some sort of break, school will be there for you. Of course, with tuition prices higher than ever, it is sometimes not the best idea. I am certainly glad that, at this point, I could really care less about the money. I have never really had much of it, so I’m ok with continuing to have my meager wages. This attitude would of course be different if I had someone to care for like a child or a parent, but seeing as I don’t, I’m ok with being the way I am now. One of the best things about not having much is that you (or at least I) get to be very “frugal” when it comes to shopping. I have always lived on the principle that some good research is always necessary when making any kind of purchase or life decision. I, seriously, won’t buy anything unless I’ve mulled it over a million times. I have to take a good look at the price, make sure it’s priced accordingly, ask myself if I really need it, and think of it as a long term investment. After all, no one wants to spend a million dollars on a house built on top of a volcano that is about to erupt, right?

***********

The attainment of a journalistic post by a friend has proven to be quite an asset to my life. Through her daily articles, I am able to get updated information on various political events happening in Eastern Europe, a section of the globe often forgotten by many. Her articles on Eastern Europe are sometimes better than my daytime soap operas. Port Charles, NY, the home-base for General Hospital (GH), an ongoing, six decade long soap opera on ABC, has never given me so much punch as do the articles written by my friend. In recent weeks, General Hospital has included more espionage and mob stories, but nothing compares to the real life action happening all over the globe. Bravo, old girl!

a meltdown, some relief, and another panic attack

This past weekend I had a little meltdown. It hit me like a ton of bricks that this is real. In about three weeks, I am boarding a plane and leaving the only home I’ve ever known. My insecurities of failure and not being able to make it are in full effect. Hopefully they will soon subside, or at least temporarily go away so I can settle in. Today I have to begin to cut ties with my “home base” and I am terrified. Once I do this, there is really no turning back. My security blanket will be put in the wash and I have to survive without it. Thankfully, my mother has decided to provide me with some financial security. She will be giving me a credit card for which to charge necessities, and the best part of all, she will be paying for it. How great is that? (Where was this during undergrad?) Her gesture was kindly appreciated and one I’ll probably be taking up. Well…..my apologies for the short post, but I most run some errands. I’ll try to write something again.

oh where, oh where has my little dog gone......

Welcome all to this new melancholic state of being. Well, I think it is mostly the cold, rainy weather and the fact that my countdown is in full effect. In a little under four weeks, I’ll be moving to another island, a bigger island. Hopefully I’ll be meeting interesting people, growing as an individual, and just enjoying the new stage in my life. Graduate school, I know, is going to be very challenging, but I welcome it. I want to be the best that I can be- thanks US Army for letting me steal your slogan. For the next year, I hope to mellow out, accept my new role in life, and embrace anything new that comes my way. I know I won’t be able to shed all my fears, but I want to try. Gosh darn, I need to try. It is a little sad to think that I’ll be spending the holidays alone, in a different country, on a different continent. Perhaps I’ll book a flight to another country and enjoy seeing the happiness in other people. The only thing that I won’t be to happy with is adopting new rules. The new home will be a motor vehicle- ruled place. A place where taking public transportation is something I may have to think twice about, considering that it cost more than mine now. Also, a place that closes relatively earlier, compared to my precious home’s hours. One of the good things about the new place is that I get free health insurance. For most of my life I’ve had free health insurance, but I have a feeling this one will be better.

Growing up is tough. I’ve tried to avoid it, but I just can’t anymore. I have to do it. I have to become a grown, responsible adult. Partying until the wee hours of the morning every day won’t be as acceptable anymore. Now it is cut back to only about four days out of the week- ha. I’m going to be a “grown” up, but not a bore. Budgeting, personal finances, 401Ks, and mortgages are soon to be words that will creep up my new adult lexicon. Cool, whatever, wicked, and awesome, will sadly have to be used at a minimum.  I’m here world, and I am ready to face everything you have for me.

On a side note, last night I realized that I need to be validated. My compulsive plans and take-over-the-world schemes all seem to need to undergo scrutiny by some other ears for them to be fine by me. I need someone to tell me: “Yes, that is the best way to go about that.” or “No, you need to do it this way”. Unfortunately, few are those who care to listen anymore, so I blog on.

teaching career at 40 or 50 something

I have officially lost the last few marbles that kept me sane. In addition to my needing to know what will become of me in 5-10 years, I am now trying to figure out my 20-40 year plan. Can you say certifiable? I can. It goes without mention that I stress way too much and that, at times, I can become a tad compulsive, but perhaps this takes the cake. Ok, so here is the plan:

I’ll be heavy in debt once I’m done with my masters’ degree (and possibly a JD or PhD), so I’ll have to have a career/job that is all about the Benjamin’s. Because there are so many ways for me to go, I’m still unsure as to which path I’ll take, but whichever one will be all about the money. Of course, I won’t lose touch with my true passions in life, so I’ll try to maintain a private space for these where they can flourish. I’ve decided that no matter what I do, whether I take the poor or rich path, that I will always have and practice my one true passion- anthropology/life/etc.

Once I have paid off my debts, amassed some conformability level, and proceeded to live as full a life as possible, I will then go about teaching anthropology to high school students and prepping them for the world- College and adulthood.

Teachers for low-income neighborhoods are always being sought after, and that is exactly where I want to start and finish—and hopefully have someone continue where I left off. I doubt anthropology is being taught in public schools, but I’m sure I’ll maneuver my way in there; I’ll even teach social studies at the same time. Seeing as I am a product of the public school system and want to teach it, I’m sure that will give me some brownie points. If more is needed it, I’ll try legal tactics or even go to the public.

So the above is my new train of thought. Circumstances and attitudes may change, but the willingness to change the world will always be with me. I’ve never let that go, and doubt I ever will. At this moment in time, I have been seriously disillusioned by human society. It is time for me to stop whining and join their little game. With rolled up sleeves and a face guard (safety first- ha), I’ll through myself in the ring. Will I survive? Who knows, but I’m going to give it all I’ve got.

huh

Early Sunday morning (about 6 or 7am) an unexpected “guest” arrives at the foot of my bed. Yes, the foot of my bed, not at the front door, but the FOOT OF MY BED. Who the hell does that?! Really, who invites themselves over at 7am on a Sunday morning to crash? Are you effing kidding me? Did you fry the little bit of brain cells you had left on Saturday night? You must have to be so abrasive as to show up unannounced in my room while I am still sleeping. I am still amazed how this person could just show up and think it was OK to crash in my bed. I hadn’t spoken to them since Thursday evening and then all of a sudden Sunday morning you show up in my room. Never was there a discussion about you being allowed to do such an act. After realizing what the hell was happening and still in my sleepy stupor, I just moved on over to let them sleep. Four hours later, still a bit fuming about the early morning events, I wake up to shower and come back to some “friendly small talk” from my unexpected visitor. My response: “What the Eff are you doing here?! Don’t do that again!” After I crawled back into bed, the visitor after finally realizing that they were not welcomed, decided to leave quietly. Where in the little pea-sized brain of theirs does this person think it is OK to show up at someone’s doorstep to crash early in the morning? Are you kidding me? Haven’t you ever heard of cabs, hotels, or even calling someone to see if it was OK? Apparently, that was not the rational thinking for that person. In many ways, I felt bad about what I said and the cold manner in which I treated them, but what the hell. How dare you invade my space like that? I never said it was OK for you to just show up in my BEDROOM and crash. This person has one too many times taken my generosity for letting them crash as a free pass. Well, I am so sorry to tell you this, but it isn’t. You still must ask EACH and EVERY time you want to crash! I am pretty sure that they were on that buzzard for at least a few minutes. I never heard it, but my roommate did and let them in thinking I was expecting them. Boy was she wrong.

Anyhow, now I feel sort of bad about the way I handled things and don’t know how to fix them. I have been going back and forth all Sunday about the situation; mainly trying to justify my response and feeling guilty at the same time. Who knows, probably this is the end of our “friendship.”

bubbly and weeds

Would anyone care for a bubbly? Monday nights seem to be a drinking night for me now. Jay and I, after drinking a bottle of champagne, went out to dinner at this cute little Thai place. It was a shame that I could barely eat anything. I love Thai, but their stuff was just not that appetizing. When we got back home we started on the second bottle, which after the first bottle (the more expensive one), seemed a whole lot cheaper and nasty. When I had the cheaper one a few months prior, it seemed fine to me. I guess I am just a cheap gal- ha.

Last night’s events weren’t anything out of the ordinary, just your regular Tuesday workouts and a trip down to the drugstore. The only sucky part that happened yesterday is the death of my pod earphones. They just completely died on me without any warning. For a few months, I swore I was going deaf because I would have to put the volume up high just to hear anything. I guess it is a trip to Best-Buy for me before I head out of the country.

Now we are in the midst of hump day, and I am hoping it will be smooth sailing from here on out. The loft seems pretty empty today, which is great, but also a bit lonely. Hopefully I’ll be able to do what is on my to-do list for Wednesday. I have been seriously slacking on that.

Tomorrow is the Cyclones game, which I am so excited about. I have really not done anything summery this summer. Besides a wedding early on, I have really done nothing. I ditched out on a BBQ and that has been it for me. It seems just like normal days.

On the moving front:

Nothing has been happening since the first few days in August. I received my visa about a week ago. My student loan applications are being processed. I have sent my reply for the dormitory, but still need to pay the deposit. I have yet to book my one-way ticket. I have yet to buy suitcases or figure out what I am going to do with my stuff. I am not back at square one, but feel like I should be getting a move on things; after all it is only a month away.

Tēvzemei un Brīvībai - For Fatherland and Freedom

Anyone know the name of the country across the Baltic from Sweden? Why, it is ye’ good ol’ Latvia. Through some back-and-forth bantering about the recent Dominican day parade, I found some interesting facts about Latvia. The below is what I know so far.

Latvia is an Eastern European country, whose capital is Riga. It is across the Baltic from Sweden. It borders Russia, Lithuania, Estonia, and Belarus (another unknown). Currently it is a democratic state. The current president is Valdis Zalters. The national anthem is “God Bless, Latvia!” A similar statue to our Statue of Liberty is located in their capital city. According to the CIA fact book, there are about 2 million inhabitants. In the US, there are about 10 thousand in New York. And the last fact, a coworker of mine is a descendant of a Latvian.

fantasy world

At an early age, we are taught to imagine wonderful creatures such as mermaids and unicorns so as to develop our imagination skills. From then on, our imagination grows and so do our fantasy worlds. We use these worlds to escape from reality and dream of beautiful (or bad) things. My fantasy world has done just that; provide a safe haven for me to escape to whenever I feel it appropriate to do so. Like, for example, during work. I find that my fantasy world helps the day move along just that much quicker.

In other instances (ones which I will not go into detail), my fantasies have evolved into something slightly scary—I don’t mean scary in a very bad way, but it is most certainly something that Christians wouldn’t approve of. It is scary to think that these are the things I come up with on my own, which leads me to believe that given a compatible person, my fantasies will truly evolve into something major. Please don’t be frightened, the fantasies I am referring to are about power, wealth, etc. It is just crazy to even phantom how much more evolved I would be in that sense with another individual who shared my interests. We could totally rule the world together; of course, eventually I wouldn’t be able to share power.

Well, these are just a few of the thoughts that came to me today. I just wanted to put them down to remind my future-self of how I used to be.

Onward with hump day.

ode to the future

There is a point in one’s life when they decide to stop taking crap from people. When this certain point has been reached, the standards by which they measure others and how they allow others to treat them becomes somewhat raised. They see the error of their ways and decide to take a stand against any future wrongdoings. Well, for me, that point has been almost fully reached. I deserve better than what I have been given. The hand dealt to me by the universe is by no means easy, but it doesn’t mean I have to eat the crap and like it. I refuse to let people walk all over me and take it for fear that I won’t get anything better. Gosh darn it; I am smart, open-minded, and gorgeous! I can have anything I set my mind to, and I shouldn’t let people treat me like crap. I am a human being, just like everyone else, and I will get the respect that is due to me as such.

This past year, I learned that I am somebody. Someone who deserves great things in life, and that should be surrounded by awesome people. I learned that it is not okay to excommunicate people if they have wronged you. I am by no means justifying people’s actions, but I am not going to let their actions control me. If they have harmed me in any way, I need to speak up and tell them so. If they continue to do so, then clearly that is not a great relationship and something that needs to be ended. I need to forgive and let it go. Holding onto things will only harm me. I need to remember to keep the focus on myself.

Keeping the focusing on me is one of the most important things I have done because it just keeps me in balance. Instead of worrying about what others think, feel, and do, I am just continuing to focus on my life. Whatever they have happening with them, is their issue, not mine. I cannot save the world nor can I control it either. The only person I can do that with is me. I have a bright future in front of me. I have a few ideas of what I want to do with my life, and I am figuring out what I don’t want. My life will by no means be perfect, but I am going to try to have as much serenity and happiness as possible. Serenity now! Ha.

In conclusion to the ode to life, I honestly believe that somehow I was always given a glimpse into my future. The logistics of how to make it there were not clearly laid out, and I guess that’s what life is all about the logistics and enjoying your road. My road has taught me some good life lessons and has provided me with a toolbox to combat the next stage in life. All I know is that I have always been shown my future, how I get there is a different story, but I will get there.

“So it is written, so shall it be.”

hail the queen

I am officially able to enter and live in England for a year. I am not exactly sure about the terms of my visa, but I have one. Ironically, it has been one of the fastest things I have gotten, although I’m not too sure why it is impossible for other people. (Perhaps it is political or something of that nature.) At any rate, I have it and will try to make the best of it. I really cannot wait to embark onto the next stage of my life.

With my departure only a few weeks away, I am more scared, nervous, and excited than ever. Firstly, I am scared because it is a whole new country with new rules and new everything. It will definitely be somewhat of a culture shock, especially the school system. God, I really hope everything goes well for me over there. As for the nervous and excited, it has been a long time coming and I just can’t wait. I can just picture the new adventures I will be having. Getting lost in the streets, learning that it is not ok to talk crap about the queen mum or the higher-ups, and every other little thing there is – even that not being able to really tip part is a bit weird, but not as weird as calling bathrooms/restrooms toilets.

Besides the little things, I am really excited to be heading off to another part of the world to live. The only thing now is the actual move. Yikes. I just hate moving. I hate it with a passion. Oh man, I am surely going to miss my family and the little bit of good friends I have. The boys they are bountiful, but the friends those are very few.

Switching the subject, my mouth is in total recovery mode. I am a few gum flaps away from being back at normal. I really hope they go away because the surgeon already wants to go back in there with a scalpel. Jeez, these damn doctors sure do love to cut right away.

Weekend Update:

Went to the movies with Angie this weekend and saw The Simpson’s and SiCKO. I loved them both. Much to my great satisfaction, the Simpson’s movie wasn’t at all what I expected; it was pure genius. The writers definitely deserve applauses and a standing ovation.

Jay decided to cut his hair this weekend, and I had the pleasure of doing it. In the end, he just shaved the whole thing off. It doesn’t look too bad, but I loved his long hair, it had so much potential. Perhaps this new look will give him the encouragement he needs.

counting down...

The official countdown has begun….

--two people have handed in their letters of resignation at work; one even left after a few days
--had my wisdom teeth removed and I’m in full recovery mode
--received my dorm acceptance letter and I mailed the reply –too bad that I received it on the 30th and they wanted the reply by the 3rd
--the loan application process began on August 1st and the school had my application weeks in advance
--last night I received an email from the consulate telling me that my visa was approved
--paid my last month of rent and received my security deposit
--sent pre-party invites

Finally, things are happening. No longer am I facing the dullness of just coming home and putting on the boob tube. Now I have something to look forward to, a new adventure in a different “world”. There are so many emotions running through me and I love it. I’m definitely going to miss my beautiful city, especially since I’ve never left for longer than a few weeks. Hopefully this experience will help me grow and finally accept life. Oh man, I wonder how it’s going to be over there. I cannot believe I am this excited at the prospect of moving. Personally, moving is my least favorite thing.

Life, besides this whole moving thing, is going swell. I cannot complain much. Jay and I have had several Weeds marathon nights, which I am surely going to miss once I’m gone. What I am most excited about, though, is that Crin and Jay have quit smoking. I’m so proud of my little kermuffins. I really hope that great things happen to them while I’m gone. They definitely deserve it. Hopefully, my little Crinny will be the director and Jay will be sure of what he wants out of life. I really hope they both find great people that appreciate them for how wonderful they are.

……

wheel needs to start spinning

Almost a week has passed since the extraction, and I am feeling a whole lot better- of course, minus the hairball stuck in my throat. These damn stitches need to come out. It feels like I need to braid these damn things. Yuck! I am actually quite relieved that I finally did the procedure. Hopefully there will be no more nightmares of my teeth falling out now. Phew!

Last night I had a nice mellow evening. Headed to midtown for a quick stop, did a little shopping on Lexington, and the rest of the night couched it out. After the GH mini-marathon, Jay and I had a Weeds marathon. I can’t wait until the third season begins. Apparently business is booming for Nancy and Conrad.

Update…..

I am down to my last few weeks in the city so I have to make them count. So far, I have zilch planned for a vacation. The only thing I have managed to accomplish is send out my visa application-- too bad I haven’t paid for it because I am so damn broke. Other than that, I have managed to pump myself up for the year after school. I am finally on the money train. I want to make lots of it and live a very comfortable life. I’m tired of living on pasta every night. Still need to get a new pair of glasses and order new contacts. Have to get in more doctors appointment. Honestly, I have never met a person who likes to keep up to date with doctor visits….dentist appointments are a whole new story. Ugh! I have so much to do and so little time. It’s down to the wire so I need to get the ball rolling faster.

Did I mention that Cead and Darwin have abandoned me without saying goodbye? 