can i go now?

Monday, February 16, 2009

can i go now?

I’ve died. Once again my soul and humanness has died. Life is once again not pleasurable. I’m tired of being here. If I wasn’t so scared of injuring myself and living in limbo, I’d probably not exist physically anymore. I have absolutely nothing to continue for. I’ve been in this state for 15 years now. I’m tired and don’t want to be here anymore. Yes the human world has its perks but they don’t outweigh the bad. I feel my soul increasingly grow darker every hour. Nothing inspires me to continue. This world fascinates me but it also gives me great sorrow and pain. At this point I would have to say that I am a passive suicidal person. I can’t do it but do sometimes fantasize about my life in another plane. Religion, therapists, and people can’t save me. I’ve been waiting for my death for over a decade now. I’m tired of waiting. I don’t see what else I have left to do here. I thought I fulfilled my path but apparently I have loose ends to tie up. I want to leave. I want to go. I don’t want to be here. No I am not depressed, I just don’t want to be here.