sorry but how do you spell that again?

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

sorry but how do you spell that again?

Performance Initiative. It seems I lack this key trait…at work, school, and in life. Whilst checking old work evaluations, I keep coming upon this pattern that I apparently have and refuse to address. It seems I address it sometimes but quickly see a little shiny thing and get more intrigued with it than my original goal. Performance Initiative. What is it really? I am very familiar with the two words by themselves but together what do they really mean for and about me? It is something that needs improving in me and that’s for certain. As any good analytical person, I quickly jumped on the World Wide Web to decipher this pattern of mine. I started with WebMD and nothing substantial popped up. I proceeded with dividing the words and finding a good medium for the two. I found nothing. Absolutely nothing to clue me in as to the real problem, the one that lies within. The only answer I could come up with is WHY. Why do I constantly do this? Why do I do it to myself? Do I feel proud of this? Do I even know what it looks like when it manifests? I can honestly tell you I don’t. I have an inkling of what it looks like but no concrete proof of it. It could be my infamous B average throughout school. Well, you know, it could be the academic career where I was more than complacent to be a B student. Trying was too hard and when I neared failing marks, I quickly started my engines on full blast. Honestly, I don’t know what showing good performance initiative is. I volunteer outside of work; does that count? I allow people existing the building to go first through the doors. I wait at the crosswalk until the light turns green. Performance Initiative. Does it mean that I’m not a big enough brown-noser? Or that I don’t put much effort into things? Perhaps it means all of the above? I didn’t grow up having to show initiative. I was forced by my mother to do things; you could even say guilted or manipulated into it. I believe she made the environment difficult for me to even develop an initiative trait. Feeling guilty when I didn’t do things or punished when I didn’t do things. How’s that for development? BUT I can’t keep blaming her for everything that went wrong in my life. I have to take responsibility of my own actions. I think I’m more than old enough to know how the world works and know what I need to do. Principals above personalities is what I hear. You are there to do a job. You do it to the best of your abilities. You make sure you do it well and don’t protest. Performance Initiative. It’s something I’m going to work on. It is something I think I’ve always been aware of and refused to acknowledge. Do you want to move up in the world Chupa Chups? If so, I suggest your increase your performance initiative.