sunny sunday

Sunday, March 28, 2010

sunny sunday

With fogged up eyes, I’m feeling sad, alone, and in pain. My eyes are foggy because I need to toss out these old contacts. I’m feeling sad because of financial issues. I’m feeling alone because I’m currently alone in my living room. Sad, alone, and in pain because I’m feeling overwhelmed in this living room; a room cluttered with tons of paper, bills, clean laundry, and just one hot mess. Although I tried taking care of myself this morning (because last night I had a Crumbs cupcake) by going for a long run, I’m now facing a piercing foot pain. I feel like bolting. Opening the door, boarding an airplane, and never really looking back because that’s how I decide to deal with things. It’s one of the only things that soothe me. All these ailments are curable, fixable. Step one: toss out those old and worn contacts. Step two: start picking up the mess that’s on the floor. Step three: fold the laundry and put it away. Please continue. Feeling sorry for myself doesn’t help. It only keeps me in this dark hole. There’s a light at the end of every tunnel and hole and I need to look for mine. As Ms. Suze Orman says, I need to face it to erase it. I need to get real with myself. If I keep living in denial, nothing will change. I need to face my reality and steer into the direction I’d like to move in. I need to move. Need to move as fast as I can. I’m not saying at super speed but at a more accelerated speed than I’m moving now, which is snail’s pace. It’s taken me weeks to mail out a form that took me two minutes to fill out. So I write. I write to clear my head. I write to figure and let things out. I need to exhale. I can’t continue to hold my toxic breathe and hope everything fixes itself. I need to breathe out. The toxins are killing my organs. I need my heart. I need my lungs. I need everything inside of me. All my organs have a function and by holding this toxicity, I’m only harming myself. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Now, exhale. Let it out. Let the pain out. Let the sadness out. Let the loneliness out. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Let the cool and calm air in. Let the warmth fill your hearth. Let the warmth fill your lungs. Let the warmth fill your stomach. Mmmm….it feels good. It feels good to breathe and exhale.