I may not hang myself just yet

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I may not hang myself just yet

Where should I begin? First off, I missed my flight on Friday night and had to take a flight leaving Saturday morning to Heathrow. Not only that, I had to pay a fee, which was almost as much as the flight, just to be registered for the morning flight. After going through that turmoil, I arrived at Heathrow at around 7:30 Saturday night to a not-so-hectic immigration line. The line itself took about two and a half hours to go through. It wasn’t anything big, we really just had to wait for the customs officers to look at the passports and ask a few questions—no Harvard admissions. Schlepping my luggage around wasn’t bad at all. The taxi line wasn’t that bad either. Actually, I couldn’t believe that all my crap fit into one of the black cabs, but it did. Are you ready for this? The cab ride to my flat was 73 £s and I tipped the guy the extra 7£s just cause my stuff was extra heavy and he was nice enough to bring it up to the gate. So, all together, my cab ride from the airport was 80£s, which was a whopping 160 American dollars. Yes, it was fucking 160 American dollars, but I had to do it. There was no way I could run around the tubular with four huge suitcases, and look for some weird street I had never heard of, so I just opted for the cab. Of course, I will never again get into one, maybe on my way back home, but I will definitely try to get around it. Once I checked in with security, they gave me my keys and guided me towards the direction I needed to go for my room. Did I mention that every door requires a swipe card or a key to open it from either side? It is like living in a prison cell. I understand the need for security, but gosh darn, people, ease up. I found a nice Nigerian guy to help me with my heavy-ass luggage. It was a little awkward though because when we introduced ourselves, we shuck hands, and he kept my hand for like an extra year. I was like, um, ok. I asked him about any open computers and he lead me to one and was even nice enough to let me log into his account. Too bad the kid didn’t get the hint to leave. I really wanted to check my bank account to see how much money I had left, but I felt so awkward doing it in front of him, so I didn’t. I thanked him and he was like still there. There was no shaking this kid. So, I went to the payphone to try to make a call and he followed me. Um, kid, can you like go away? Eventually he got the drift, but boy was it hard. Once I finished with my call, I went up to my room and cried. And I mean I cried a fucking river. All I could think about was the huge mistake I had just committed by coming over here. I had a job, two cool roommates, a semi- social life, and I had my beautiful New York. I gave that all up to do what? For the next two days (mostly at night), I just cried and cried. The following days I started to meet my other flatmates, and after realizing that I wasn’t alone in wanting to kill myself, I finally got the spark I had lost when I got here. Some call it culture shock, but I associate “culture” with something completely different. There is no cultural shock in my current state of discontent and disconnect. In fact, I find the English to be very similar to New Yorkers, of course, with some major differences. Since I come from a somewhat anthropological background, I welcomed that part of my new world. What I didn’t feel content with is myself and this huge mistake I thought I made. I am now about a week into my new stage in life and I feel a lot better than I did on the first night. Of course, not everything is peaches and cream yet, but I have a feeling they will get there. Tonight I actually felt the spark to get motivated with my life. It felt great to feel that again. It is unbelievable really because as the days progress so do my feelings about this wretched place. I am actually starting to like it here now. So, for now, I am ok.

By the way, did I mention that due to my feelings of discontent with my decision, I have refused to unpack or even settle into my room. For the past few nights, I have been actually sleeping with my clothes on. It was only the other day that I actually decided to wear my pajamas. I even got the courage to buy a shower curtain, dishware, and cutlery. How cool is that? I think I have come a long way. Ha.

As for everything else with school, I have no idea what is happening. I registered on Monday, but have no clue about anything. I got my ID, my computer name, and school email, but nothing else. Hopefully tomorrow’s department events will shed some light into this whole crazy mess. Till then, I think I should just live up my free time. Besides, all these freshmen across the way from us are always partying. Who doesn’t love drinks?

Disclaimer: I am using an British keyboard with British programs, so everything comes out funny looking. At least most of the keys on the keyboard are in their place. Ha.