happy April fools!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

happy April fools!

Sacrosanct: Sacred. The meaning of that damn word was driving me insane this morning. I had an inclining on what it meant, but couldn’t remember its exact definition. Good thing for electronic dictionaries.

So, two weeks ago I finished my coursework for my masters. Now all I have left to do is an exam, essay, the thesis presentation, and then the thesis. It is so cliché but here it goes: “Time went by so fast.” Don’t get me wrong, I am all excited for this being over. It wasn’t the exact experience I had hoped for, but it was an experience nonetheless. I guess I am finally ready to move on with my life; see where my next journey is. For now, I know that school isn’t such a hot topic any more. I may consider a phd or law school in the future, but for now I think I just need to work and pretend to be an adult. I always thought it was horrible to be an adult, but they have money. I miss money. I am not starving or anything like that, it just would be nice to be able to go on a little shopping spree or perhaps on a partying spree. Life can get boring when you have no money. It is not all bad, but it does feel like you are missing out. Hmm interestingly enough I feel like I am missing from action. It sort of feels like I have been easing my way into adulthood because I am scared to face everything all at once. Who knows, perhaps I just was too chicken shit. I want a life again. I want responsibilities- some not all. I want to date again.

Ugh! Unfortunately, I think it is time for me to get back on that horse soon. I did date an interesting lad around December/January, but ended before it even started. My main thing with dating is that I don’t feel adequate enough of a mate to date. The people I date are all secure with themselves and their persona in society. I, however, fight everything. Even though it may be an easy task, I just want to fight it all the way. I need the drama. So, here I am…alone. An independent person, soon to be awarded a masters and have no job. Although I want to be with someone (I guess), I also want to establish myself before I do. I sort of gave myself a little break from it all. I still party, but won’t try to find Mr. Right at every corner. As of this moment, I am going to finish whatever is left of my coursework, try to get a job, and then possibly start dating again. I am estimating about a month and a half. Not to start dating, but to finish all I have to before I can embrace other ideas. Who knows where my life will end up. All I know is that being over here, although not the greatest, it isn’t the worst. I still have a lot of growing up and I want to try to find a little bit more of myself before I start advertising to “prospective mates”- this is what studying human behavioral ecology does to you. Everything is seen as a way to maximize reproductive success.