what to do.

Monday, January 19, 2009

what to do.

The ex- yet another reencounter…

I’m not sure if I wrote about this or not but I once had an ex that I visited in London. He’s name was the same as my younger brother’s. His birth date fell in the middle of my eldest sister and my younger brother. He along with my mother, eldest sister, and younger brother are all Sagittarius—which means I just can’t get along with them. In any case, after the horrible incident in London, I let things between us just die out. He would occasionally send me a message via Myspace or Messenger and I would just simply ignore—until last week. Apparently his last message via Myspace was sent in December, seeing as I don’t frequent Myspace, I didn’t see it until about a week ago. So, when I saw it I was still like whatever. I gave him a one word reply to his sentences of questions. Last night, while getting ready to go to bed, I decided to check Myspace. He replied within a day of my reply about a week ago. He apologized for what occurred in London and wanted to know if I would meet him for drinks. As of yet I am undecided. Should I meet up with this guy who was the rudest to me or should I just not reply? After all I am a sucker for free drinks and a good night. He never disappointed in that area. I know for sure things won’t escalate to us dating but I’m not sure what to do. My head is telling me I’m an idiot for even giving it this much thought but my lonely little self is telling me to get back out there. I’ve held myself captive, more or less, in my apartment for lack of funds and due to my recent self-loathing. I haven’t been much for company and I’ve barely given dating a ten seconds thought. But I can’t deny the creeping, fleeting thoughts of the little lonely girl inside of me who finally wants to have something real and long term- obviously NOT with this guy. She wants someone more or less like him, minus that douche bag components. She wants someone close to her education and career level, who is ambitious, who doesn’t live with mom or relatives, who is adventurous, funny, charismatic, caring, etc. What do I tell that little girl inside when I keep pushing her and her feelings away? I’ve locked her in the dungeon long enough. The shackles I’ve placed on her are long destroyed. I won’t be able to contain her for much longer. She needs this. What do I do?