mousing around

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

mousing around

Click…click….click….click..clickety-click, clickety-click, clickety, clickety-click….what’s this I see? It’s the green-eyed jealous cyber stalker monster that lives inside of me. I started off innocently by just glancing through the Facebook wall. Soon the Facebook wall turned into noticing who you befriended. Eventually I started looking through every photo you posted and inspected all of them. In the beginning you would check your Facebook on my computer and I would simply log you off. I didn’t want to know and I felt you deserved your privacy. To give it is to receive it, right? Eventually my brown eyes started changing color. First they became hazel and eventually aquamarine green. I fear they will turn toxic chemical green soon. I can’t help it but I can. Cyber stalking is just so simple and anonymous. Oh why is the green-eyed monster in me awakened? I was a normal girl at age 17. At age 19, I was free as a bird. The boyfriend at that time had his issues and eventually his jealous issues became my issue. They slowly seeped into me. The age 20 boyfriend was an uphill battle. It was tough constantly coming up with defensive strategies. Age 21-26, was a string of unfortunate events. Those were unavailable and barely dateable. Did I mention those were also not completely yours? They were great multi-taskers that much I can give them. Now at 26 ½, I am the green-eyed monster. The age 17 carefree bird enthusiast became the 26 ½ who is sifting through phone messages, Facebook inboxs and walls. Shameful can’t begin to cover it. I’ve become the jaded lover. Ironically, this is one of the healthiest relationships I’ve been in and yet I’m the one looking for the metaphorical shoe. Clickety-click, clickety-click, clickety-clack…splat…splatter…splattering.