another blow to the heart

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

another blow to the heart

It seems I am in the habit of picking guys who are seriously unavailable. Whether it be that they are just immature or involved with someone, it just seems I know how to pick them. At this moment, my heart is in a bit of shambles over an email received from a former crush. Although the crush is mostly gone, the torch still lures from time to time. Well, I guess that torch has been put out by the email. It seems that a little valentine heart, which I sent to about fifteen other people, has caused some drift with him and his GIRLFRIEND. Ugh, it is absolutely one of the worst ways to hear about it. I really don’t know what to reply. It was some silly little application, which I sent to a few people. How the heck am I ever going to talk to this person? I feel like I have done nothing wrong. It was merely an innocent little thing. Besides my heart being a bit broken, I feel bad that it caused something between his girlfriend and him.

For what it is worth, I feel like running all over again and wallowing in self-pity. Although running doesn’t seem to solve the problem, it sure helps to get away from it a bit. Gosh, I can’t believe I am letting this get to me. I guess it is more of the fact that I barely get it. I am always crushing or wanting those who are unavailable. In reality, I am just tired. I am tired of hoping I’ll meet prince charming. I know Hollywood and Disney created this whole big notion of a wonderful being and your perfect mate and that there probably isn’t one, but you still have hope. Overall, I believe is the only thing that keeps you going. Crap. I have to run again. How in the world am I going to face this kid? I have about two months of “interaction” left. Hopefully, it won’t be a big deal.

Whenever I get devastating blows like this, besides running, I also just want to focus on the things I know how to focus on, and that’s school/work/myself. I through myself into the things I can “control” and push aside those which I can’t. I hope to build myself stronger in my other areas so that my weaknesses in others won’t be so much of a deal. Unfortunately, I cannot continue to do this and must face reality.